Valhalla is not for anybody

By Shane Viljar Ward Hovedsmann at Hvergelmir International

As the title suggests this is going to be a little look into the ever growing culture of want to be Warriors going to Valhalla due to fighting off a cold or other such nonsense

Firstly I would like to address these would be warriors; When people look at Heathenism and all they see is “I am going to Valhalla” all over the internet, I actually wondered what they must think! Are we all nut jobs looking for (as my friends would put it) Valhalidation? I have been seeing (as have we all) this number of would be’s double and even treble. This is mainly due to the fact that everyone that wanders across Heathenism, usually stumbles over the various fractions such as Oðinism in its different forms, who only promote themselves as “warriors” when we all know that at some point when it comes down to brass tacks and end up in a battle or a war, would wet themselves and run.

I have seen posts and comments alike on the various social sites about how a man with cancer will go to Valhalla because he was a soldier. NO. Why? Well for a couple of reasons firstly he didn’t die in battle as is one of the prerequisites, but not just any battle or die any old way, you have to be giving it everything you have, I mean push yourself past any and all limits and be probably the most vicious you can be, mainly because Oðin…well he doesn’t take just anyone. Also he doesn’t take every soldier, a lot of warriors are not soldiers, and vice versa. So being a soldier is not a free pass. I you think Valhalla is a place for “Drinking and having sex with Valkyrie” like I have seen a lot of people seem to believe, then you are more than likely a moron…in Valhalla (as it states in the sagas and Eddas) “You will fight all day” (more than likely die again) then “raise back up and feast and drink all night, to get up in the morning and start all over again”. Not once in any saga or Edda does it say that the Valkyr are to be touched by mortals.
I have also read that Police and Firefighters believe they will go to Valhalla too. Wrong. Did you die a violent and dreadful death in battle, fighting even with your dying breath?
(It brings to mind a sketch from Monty python, the Black Knight)

On that note; I have seen post about children and babies going to Valhalla…REALLY? Come on a child or baby fighting all day everyday in Valhalla is that really what people think? What about as it should be them having a nice place in the afterlife where no harm would become them? That place is Hel….”OH no my baby won’t go to Hel”. Why not? Unless you are one of the scum that have been deemed unworthy to enjoy an afterlife or earned a place in Folkvangr or Valhalla then why not? Hel can be a nice place for those who have committed no wrong, or have died from an illness or old age, and have not died in battle. Oh right the fact that many modern Heathen’s (converts) are still holding to very Christian beliefs of good and bad Heaven and Hell….Well as I said if the souls have committed foul deeds like murder and oath breaking etc, then Naströnd awaits (that is the side of Hel nobody wants to see…) if they have done no harm to any or have not done any
foul deeds well they get to sit in a beautiful hall and sevrved good food and enjoy a great afterlife.

Okay so we covered the first reason you may not go to Valhalla….so now

Secondly maybe you died in battle Heroically and got the attention of the Gods, what happens if Freyja decides she wants you in Folkvangr? After all she gets the first pick of all whom have died in battle, she doesn’t want the psycho’s that Oðin takes, she takes the ones that died fighting especially hard against all the odds, not for glory’s sake but for something greater.
So put it in this context Oðin takes the insane cannon fodder, and Freyja well she takes the ones that do what they do for something other than themselves.

So to finish off and recap…..dying in your sleep, old age or illness will not get you into Valhalla no matter if you fought off a cold or cancer (I can be insensitive). Hel is not a bad place so long as you are a good and honourable person.

If you manage to go to Valhalla it is a personal thing, do not expect to meet family or friends there, you will probably be severed from all those burdens before hand, (there was a story of a man whom marked himself for Oðin so he would be seen in battle and taken by the Valkyr to Valhalla, his wife left him and his family said he was dead, even though he wasn’t. I can’t remember where I saw this or heard this story. Sorry) so Ol’ one eye will unburden you if you are to go there. Besides getting noticed by Ygg himself will end in your violent and mostly unexpected death….because as we know he is not that caring.

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